It's been so long since I've allowed myself to get lost in a novel. To just sit back, forget the cares of the world for a moment, and simply feel the story come alive with all of its adventure, emotion, and happily-ever-afters. As I focus on each sentence, I slowly drift into another life, becoming the character that is so brilliantly described and illustrated. I am suddenly transported to a new place, a new time, a new adventure-filled life, and I allow my imagination to run wild and free. It is comforting, freeing, blissful.
This life that the Lord has granted us is a beautiful one, don't get me wrong. Sometimes, though, the weight of the world's sin and degradation can become quite a burden and cause worry lines to form on our foreheads. To be able to every now and then allow ourselves the opportunity to forget our current troubles and enjoy the skills of a brilliant author is good and healthy, I believe. Especially if we can do so with the greatest book ever written. Too often, we look at the Word as simply a 'rulebook', an 'historical textbook', etc., instead of seeing it as God's letter to each and every one of us, recounting His undying love, His provision, and His care and concern for His people. The comfort, freedom, and bliss that comes from accepting this truth is beyond our imagination.
Because of this reality in my life, I need not worry or fret over daily struggles or problems (though ashamedly, I do). I can trust that the Lord will not give me any more than I can handle with His strength. Sometimes I may think that He's pushing the limit, but He knows best and He proves his care and love for me with each passing moment. Even with the struggle I went through yesterday during my illness and seizures, the Lord was strengthening me and teaching me. I had to learn humility, to surrender my will to His, to trust that God was in control. There were a few brief terrifying moments in which I lost all control, physically, mentally, and emotionally. All I could think of was "Lord, is this it? Will I wake up? If I do, will I still be the same? Lord, what's going on?!". God is glorified in my weakness, for it proves His strength and mercy. I am only human, but He is my Lord, my ultimate Protecter and Provider. He will not leave me or forsake me. Never.
One incredible Author - apparantly He's still writing my story....ending unknown.
A New Chapter in Life
Life is such an amazing journey. God takes us through so many various landscapes each and every day, and I am continually in awe of His grace and love. We experience the height of mountains, the depth of valleys, the peace of a beautiful sunset, the lonliness of deserts, the awesome love of each sunrise, and the comfort of country cornfields. The Lord has so much in store for His children each and every day, and we need to embrace that concept, learn how to personally experience Him, and share that experience with others. At the moment, I feel as though I am on a mountain watching a gorgeous sunset, with cornfields in the distance. :) Because I surrendered to Him, gave up my will for His perfect will, and trusted that He will guide and direct me, I have had the joy to begin a courtship with a wonderful, Godly man named Luke Blakeslee. The Lord has blessed me in unimaginable ways through Luke and it is my prayer that as we spend more time together, the Lord will be glorified through us and that we may be a good testimony for Him.
The past couple weeks have been an emotional rollercoaster for me; my sister's beautiful wedding, her new life with Andrew, her physical absence in my everyday life, my new relationship with Luke, and now his physical absence in my everyday life due to college.
Whew, what a ride!!
But in thinking about all that has transpired over the past couple weeks, I am reminded of several verses. One being James 1:5 "If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him." I truly needed wisdom over the past five or six months at least, and it's been my constant prayer for wisdom and guidance. My faithful Lord provided that wisdom, and all I needed to do was have faith that He will lead me in the way I should go. The Lord has also taught further lessons on patience the past several months. We always want the desires of our hearts to be fulfilled instantly and we sacrifice so much joy and happiness when we set God's control aside and try to manage on our own. We need to recognize that God has great and wonderful plans for our lives if we just trust in Him. And I am eager to see what God has in store for my future. I will commit to focusing on becoming a woman worthy of a relationship with a man such as Luke.
Consider It All Joy, My Brethren
"I paused today and gave some thought,
To the many trials that life has brought.
The hardships, the cares, the memories I've had,
Made me blue and very sad.
I thought as to why, this all happened to me,
A good and fair person I've tried to be.
I was now at the point of selfish pride
That kept me from seeing the brighter side.
I looked to the Heavens, up in the sky,
Where I know God dwelled, up there on high.
I said to Him in a weakly voice,
I'm finished. I'm done. I have no choice.
I cannot go much further now.
The time has come, my head to bow.
The trail seems dark and it's a narrow way,
I've failed again, even by day.
Suddenly a dazzling light did appear,
And a small quiet voice came to my ear.
It said, my son, did you not know,
That I test all people down below.
If the peace of my Kingdom you wish to see,
Take my hand and follow me.
Lift up your head and don't be blue,
With your hand in mine I'll see you thru.
When the world seems cruel and life is hard,
Your burdens are heavy and you feel so tired.
Look up to Me and squeeze my hand,
I'll lift you up so you can stand.
And the trials of life will be so light,
That you can accept them in sheer delight.
Then your world will be full of cheer,
If you'll just remember, your God is near."
Written on 6/21/62
By Norris W. Wells, my great-grandfather
Clear the Decks!
I read an interesting article on boundless.org this evening. It was regarding our availablity and readiness to take an active role in the opportunities God throws our way. God desires for us to be prepared for whatever He may have in store for us in the future. Therefore, we cannot allow our life to become 'cluttered' with things or activities that may hinder our availability to be used by Him. I am a neat-freak, so my surroundings are rarely cluttered, but what about the activities, thoughts, and actions throughout my day? Do I allow my life to become cluttered with daily cares and concerns, thus overlooking many opportunities to further the gospel? The term 'clear the decks' is a naval term, used by sailors when they were to prepare for action or battle. When they heard their officers shout 'clear the decks!', they were to toss aside any chairs tables, and other items so that the deck was completely free of any obstacles. This is how we should be prepared for the opportunities that God brings into our lives. Hebrews 12 states "Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us." In order to ready ourselves to 'run' for God, we must toss aside anything that could hinder us in accomplishing the things Christ desires of us. And this includes the sin that so often clutters our lives. I wish to be ever ready to be used of Him, though I am entirely unworthy.
A Beautiful Evening
It was a gorgeous night tonight. The way the lightning bugs set the field ablaze with their golden sparkles, and the sounds of the soft popping and thundering of fireworks proved that it is, indeed, summer here in Indiana. The sun set softly and peacefully in the western sky, reminding me that a work week has gone by and it is now time to enjoy a small amount of leisure. The familiar smell of hay, leather, and horseflesh greeted me at the door of the barn as I strolled out to do the evening chores. Walking back up to the house, I decided to sit a while on our new swing and enjoy the beautiful summer evening air. I was able to see Wawasee's fireworks very clearly from where I sat, so I rocked slowly while taking in the splendor. Seeing splashes of color burst over the treeline is a thrilling scene, especially when set off by a nice big cornfield and country dirt road. Finally, the bugs forced me to go indoors for the finale, but it was still an amazing show. Aahhh, how I love summer nights in the country...
Late night inspiration
"I am only one, but I am one. I cannot do everything, but I can do something. And because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do the something I can do. What I can do, I should do. And what I should do, by the grace of God, I will do." Edward Everett Hale
As Time Goes By...
Life never stays the same. Situations change. Life perceptions and opinions change. Our dreams and desires change. Sometimes we willingly adapt to changing circumstances because of the new relationships in our lives. Sometimes that which we were persuaded to believe at one time can in an instant become a belief that we never thought possible. It’s amazing to stop and think about how God causes us to grow and mature in Him. Our God, the ever-present, never-changing Savior has provided a way for us to grow in our relationship with Him through changing circumstances and situations in our lives. And it’s not just our circumstances that change. People float in and out of our lives like the ocean tide. We stand in awe and wonder as the waves slowly wash over and around us, and we are helpless as we watch them rush back out again into the sea. The same is true for the people in our lives. Friends come and go, we lose touch with someone who used to be important in our life, and those we love are sometimes torn away by life’s curveballs. God places unique people in our lives for a purpose. I do not believe that it is in any way coincidental. They are either in our lives for our growth or theirs, or even both. Perhaps we are to plant a seed in that person in order for them to come to Christ; perhaps they are to learn how to work and communicate properly through our example; perhaps we are to learn patience and compassion through our relationship with them. Whatever circumstance or relationship we find ourselves, we must constantly remind ourselves of God’s sovereignty and grace. He will not give us anything beyond what we can handle and He will never leave us, nor forsake us. May God grant me wisdom as I tackle each day (challenges and all), and may I come to that day with renewed joy, peace, and love for those around me.
My Best Days Are Ahead Of Me
Since November of 2009, I have been volunteering at an autism social and self-advocacy group called Shoots Game Club. My best friend's mom heads up the program which meets once a month. This evening we actually did a service project for the Goshen Boys and Girls Club and what an awesome opportunity it was! But on the way home from Shoots Game Club tonight, one of the young adults really opened up about his life and the challenges he is facing right now. He expressed how much he blames himself for mistakes he's made in the past and he is overwhelmed by the speed at which his life seems to be flying by. He often wonders what kind of future he would have if he didn't have his mental challenges, and he wonders if he would be the man his dad would want him to be if his dad had made it home from Iraq in 2008. I encouraged him that we all make mistakes, and that he has many talents and gifts that he can use in his future. His future is what he makes it.
I think we all get caught up in the past every now and then. We begin to wonder what life would be like if this or that never happened, if we made this decision differently, if we hadn't allowed our sin nature to take over in this particular area, or how we could have handled a relationship better. And though this type of self-reflection is good on occasion, for such things produce wisdom and humility, it can also cause us to fall in the depths of despair and disappointment. The Apostle Paul could have very easily looked at his dreadful past, sighed in exasperation, threw up his hands, and said "I give up!" But in finding God's grace and love, he also discovered a new vitality to life, a new urge to get out there and do something. Not just mope about his mistakes and wrong choices. Instead of wallowing in self-pity, he got up, took the challenge set before him, and he truly lived for Christ!! He allowed himself to be used of God, and through that ministry he not only changed his life but he changed the lives of all who knew him - past, present, and future! Here are some notes I took in a recent sermon on Paul's outlook in a negative world :
1. Look at the lost - where will they be in the future? As of now, they are groping in darkness; how can we get them to see the light of God's Word?
2. Look at your own lack of fitness - no one measures up.
3. Look at God's awesome provision - we are sufficient through Him.
4. Look at the glory of what God has called us to do.
5. Look at what that should do in our lives - this is characterized by availability to God to be used by Him.
Gives you a sense of perspective, doesn't it? For me, it was both convicting and uplifting. There's another song that reminds me of this truth "My Best Days Are Ahead of Me". And may those days be gloriously used by my Savior!
Work Ethic and Workaholics
Work in today's society is just that - work. It is considered drudgery and is looked upon with disdain. have a sinking feeling that our generation and the ones that follow are getting a false understanding of what work ethic is and how it should be viewed. The youth of today feel that no joy can be found in work. I wholeheartedly disagree. Though I understand and recognize that I am in a unique position of working in an area I love and have studied from the tender age of seven, I feel that in whatever job you happen to find yourself, you are able to come away with at least some sense of satisfaction and pleasure. As my mom and I were talking about this subject just this afternoon, she brought up a good point. God instituted work immediately in the Garden of Eden. He instructed Adam to tend and care for the garden. And it was a request that was met with acceptance and pleasure, until sin entered, upon which time work became work. There are now trials in work, frustrations, difficulites, and obstacles to overcome. However, does that mean that our attitude should reflect those tough times and we that we are somehow 'entitled' to hate the very thought of work? I don't believe so. We are saved by grace through faith, and with our new life in Christ we are able to bear all things, for I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me. I don't always feel it, but I know it and I must hold on to that knowledge.
Even though I disagree with the belief that a job is to be considered drudgery and something to be despised, I also feel that there is a limit to how much we should be involved in our jobs. This is the area of weakness in my life.
Work has a hold on me and I am unable to escape its grasp, to break free. The business is not where I want it to be. I want it to be better; no, I want it to be the best. Even though it is great as it is and has made remarkable improvements, I see its potential and I continually strive for it - I get up early, come home late, I work on my days off. I sometimes fall short of the daily expectations I have for myself, causing undue frustration, headaches, and overall feeling of failure. I find it very difficult to leave work at work. I come home worrying about this or that, thinking of all I must get done the next day, etc. Though my boss loves me for being so dedicated and commited, I sometimes feel overwhelmed and exhausted, both mentally and physically. What I need to learn is balance. I have worked so hard these past 7 1/2 years to become the best employee I could be and to make my boss and the business a success. But there must be a limit. I cannot let my relationships suffer because of my career, and I cannot continually allow my career to occupy my thoughts. I want my life to center around my Lord rather than my job. This is my prayer and my desire, that I may be known for my virtue more than my career.
"If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him" ~ James 1:5
My Pursuit of Perfection
"And I'll taste every moment and live it out loud/ I know this is the time, this is the time to be more than a name or a face in the crowd/this is the time, this is the time of my life". This song by David Cook is at the top of my list of 'life theme songs'. Especially during the past year or so, this song has been a very real inspiration to me. But this song only holds a small portion of where my true inspiration comes from. The inspiration and zeal to live every moment to its fullest, to take life's great opportunities and do something with them, to step out of my own safe comfort-zones and expand my sphere of influence, comes from the love and trust I have in my Lord Jesus Christ. He is the One that gives me my every breath, the One who died to make me whole, and because of that, He is the One I live for. Don't get me wrong - I fail all too often! Hence, my pursuit of perfection. I have not attained it yet, and I know and recognize that I never will until I meet my Lord and Savior. But in this journey called life, I am in constant pursuit of what Christ has called me to do, whatever and wherever it may be. It is my desire that Christ may be glorified in all my thoughts, behavior, and conversation. Again, I fail often, but I am challenged through those failures and must continually recognize that I can do nothing apart from Christ. He is my all in all.
You may wonder why I chose 'The Crown of Life' as the title to my blog. The verse in James which you see posted has always been one of my favorites. Actually, the entire book of James has always been a very personal book to me and one I have devoted to memory. But in James 1:12 it states that we will be the receivers of the crown of life if we endure the trials of life. This has always intrigued me. The crown of life - is it a physical crown which we will receive once we enter heaven or is it a metaphor for something we will receive while yet on this earth? I have yet to devote this subject to true study, but this particular passage provides me with a comfort and peace during those moments of life that are less than enjoyable.
So, at the urging of my friend, I have begun this blog about my pursuit of perfection and this time of my life. God has granted me many joys and blessings, and I am eager to see what He has in store for me in the days to come!
